I came across this video a few days ago:
“What i’m trying to say is you got to cut a little piece of yourself off, no matter how much it hurts, in order to grow…in order to move on.”
This is solid and made me think about some things. The egoic self attaches itself to people, ideas, habits, etc and it doesn’t want to let them go. What this ultimately means is that if you would like to grow in any area of your life, you need to get good at saying NO to things that are currently holding you back. NO to shit food, NO to manipulative ex lovers, NO to things that waste your time, NO to fill in the blank.
Of course you also need to know the things to say yes to as well or you will be misguided. Be hungry to learn, to want more out of yourself.
I’ve spent my whole life killing parts of myself…
A few months ago, I stopped drinking completely. I did it because i realized it was getting in the way of my focus and I was using it as a crutch to be more at ease socially. I had to kill the part of my mind that wanted to drink in order to grow and not use it as a crutch anymore. It worked and because of the sacrifice I am now better off.
When it comes to relationships it is especially important to take note of negative manipulation early and cut it off completely. Kill the part of yourself that feels sorry for someone else’s indecision. Make the decision to move in a better direction.
When it comes to business, take a good look at what is going on. Realize that in order to grow more you need to kill certain aspects and just flat our say no. A business that try’s to do it ALL becomes the fat kid on the block that eats fast foot and dies young. Slash and grow. Keep an eye on trends RELEVANT TO YOUR COMPANY (NOT YOUR COMPETITORS)
Be honest with yourself, what things do you need to KILL in yourself to grow?
Three years ago I took a tour through Zappos HQ in Henderson, Nevada. When I walked in they had a massive book shelf. On the shelf were numerous books on focus, business and other topics. One book, I can’t remember the name, was on the topic of happiness and I was extremely interested. Over the last 3 years I have dived deep into the concept of happiness and what makes one happy.
How I Stay Happy & How You Can Too…
Below are 5 ways I continuously stay happy, but first I want to mention something that is foundational and that is you need a ecosystem of positivity around you. What do I mean by this? Well, what I mean is that you have so many things that you are doing for your well being that if you take one of those element out it won’t ruin you. You aren’t dependent on anything or any one thing for your happiness. Most people find themselves latching on to one thing, like a girlfriend and when shit hits the fan they can not recover as fast because their ecosystem is so dependent on that one person. Now, on to the 5 ways I stay happy…
Don’t Take Anything Personally
This one has been particularly hard for me over the years, but it’s a must if you want to stay happy. If a person does something that really sets you off, realize that you have a choice to focus on that or something else. Just let go, no matter how bad you think a person did you wrong. I’ve been there a million times where my mind just literally goes CRAZY on someone. I can tear people to shreds if I am not practicing this art of not taking anything personally.
Connect With Others & Have Good (happy) Friends
People always say to have a good group of friends around you, but what does that even mean? It means you can joke with them, shoot shit, have a good laugh. It also means you can have more in depth conversations about things you are going through. Sometimes your friends will be able to offer value to your situation and other times they won’t. The most important thing you’ll come to realize about good friends is that they listen. The best friends you have will humble you and bring you back down to earth when your ego gets the best of you.
Strive To Be Healthy
Everyone says this…what the hell are you suppose to take from this? Nutrition is by far the most important thing – more important than working out – for your health. Not only that but, being healthy is maybe the most important aspect of staying happy in tough times. I could literally write a book on health, instead I’ll give you a list of books I’ve read (there are also plenty of free resources on the net):
Live In The Present Moment
The true way to escape your mind, which creates most of your unhappiness, is to live fully in the present moment. There was never a time that was not now, nor will there ever be (as Eckhart Tolle says). Take a deep breath and enjoy the scenery around you. Focus on your breathing. Being present, as they call it, is the most profound life shift one can make. With all the shit crammed into your head on a daily basis, presence is your way back to the truth. The truth that all that exists is this moment. People tell you to live in the moment, but they unfortunately have ruined the saying. Now living in the moment means getting wasted, doing stupid shit and ending up feeling horrible the next day. Being present doesn’t require any special substance, you only need a pulse.
Change How You See Things
There are two sides to every thing that happens to you in this life. In any given situation you can choose to see the opportunity or the negatives. If you lose your job, now you have an opportunity to get a new and better one. Have to move back in with your parents? This will give you a better chance to connect with and learn from them. Relationship ended? Good, you’ll finally get one you deserve. See, you don’t have to latch on to the negatives. The only reason you do is because your mind is searching for and addicted to these thought patterns. You can combat this by staying present, not taking anything personally and having great friends.
Whether they are willing to admit them or not, everyone has demons that drive them every single day. Some negative thought or if not negative, some re-occurring thought that haunts them. Sometimes these thoughts can drive you to want to succeed more, other times (especially if you don’t know how to take advantage of them) they can lead you to failure. Well, below I reveal mine. I think about these things every day and they help me put my life in perspective.
My Own Death
Every day I think about the day I will die. I wonder, will it be today? This thought constantly puts my life in line. It’s the same reason why at times I can be a little too serious. I get stressed when I think that I am running out of time. To tame this demon, I study eastern philosophy and read / listen to Eckart Tolle. I have dedicated the last 4 years of my life to learning to live “in the moment” and stop worrying so much about my thoughts. I highly recommend the book The Power of Now. This video has helped me cope with my thoughts as well:
No matter how much I have sex, it’s never enough. I constantly want more and better sex. Makes me wonder if I was even meant to be monogamous. People I know recommend the book Sex at Dawn, apparently diving deeper into the subject, but i haven’t had time to read it yet. In a sense I am torn in two. Part of me wants a serious relationship and the other part is the animal without the mind. I want to constantly attack and dominate anything in my life, in every area of my life. How can I do this and be with one person? It is extremely complex and there is no answer.
Ego Attachments & Uprising
Every day whenever anything good or bad happens to me I try to disassociate myself from it. My ego is constantly trying to attach itself to things / emotions / people to make an identity for myself. Fuck that. I don’t want an identity, I would like to constantly be evolving, living in the present moment. Staying humble. Without an identity I am free, with one I am just like everybody else. So while others may try to label me or put me in a box, I am constantly on myself to stay ego-less and not get big headed. Nothing I have obtained in my life makes a damn difference, all that matters is the current moment. Meditation has helped me a lot in this area.
These are thoughts that are on my mind every day. Re-occurring and dense. Anyone have any similar demons of their own?
On a very immature, but somewhat true for most, level – not long after most people are in a relationship they want to be single again & not long after they are single again they want to be in a relationship. The grass is always greener on the other side. This is especially true for people of high status (celebrity divorces).
The Reason For This?
There are two reasons I can think of: People have no fucking clue how to make relationships work & people generally don’t know what they want. Basically, out of scarcity most people throw themselves into relationships & out of stupidity they find themselves thrown out of them.
In some cases it serves people to be single more than in a relationship and vice versa. But instead of looking within themselves, people look to society to tell them how to feel about this subject. For example, some men are actually more productive if they are in a relationships with a variety of women instead of just one, conversely some men need just that one to be productive. This is different person to person.
There a variety of different situations like this.
Do You Know
What Who You Want?
No, really… do you know who you want? What are their traits? Ok, now get that out of your head because it doesn’t exist. You can find someone who is close, but you can never find exactly what you want because your expectations are way too high. You’ve watched one too many movies and have escaped from reality. What you need is someone who has a good head on their shoulders. Someone who can be honest with you and loves the shit out of you, but still has their own version of reality.
Making Relationships Work
I’ll tell you straight away that some relationships aren’t meant to work, the two are not compatible and love fades. Don’t force it. This usually happens if one of the two don’t know what they want. If they are confused, don’t waste time trying to win them over. Just work on being your best self and the right one will come along. Let me say that again, work on being your best self for YOU. Mastery health and your emotions, have some fun – life is short.
Assuming you both want each other and you aren’t confused, than you have a whole other issue: making it work. Even if you are single and not looking for a relationships, i recommend the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The reason is, it will help you understand the opposite sex much better.
Since this is a male perspective, here are some important points when you are with your woman…
Listen without offering solutions – Many relationships don’t work because men do not listen. I don’t mean you have to be a push over and do everything she says, but the least you can do is listen to everything she has to say and NOT OFFER SOLUTIONS. Women don’t want to hear solutions, they just want someone to listen to them. If they need solutions they can go to their girl friends.
Women Think In Emotions, Not Logically – Many men make the mistake of thinking women can even comprehend their intense logical ideas. The problem is a feminine woman is more concerned about feelings and emotions, not logic. Shut the fuck up with your logic and give her a kiss or talk in an emotional way. Most of the time what you feel, she feels.
A Woman’s Friends Are Extremely Important – Respect her friends and her time with them. This will pay back dividends in the future.
Love – Love the girl you are with, don’t just say it. Show it in multiple ways, every single day.
Be Decisive – Know exactly what you want and tell her about it. There is nothing a girl hates more than a guy who does not know what they want – this goes the other way around too 🙂
Masculine / Feminine Polarity is Important
This video says it perfectly…
I’m starving! Until next time…
In a Las Vegas bar on the strip, it’s packed. People sweating and dancing. Two piano’s directly across from another play a rendition of Creedence Clearwater’s Have You Ever Seen The Rain?. I am singing at the top of my lungs, enjoying the people around me. This was one good experience for me.
My band is playing an all night party in 8th grade, my Grandpa is gravely ill but I’m told to play anyway. The concert goes amazing and is well received. My Dad picks me up at 6 in the morning. He waited till we got to the car to tell me, my Grandpa had passed away. One great experience, one horrible experience. This is something I will never forget, as my grandpa is largely the reason I was able to play the show because he helped me pay for my guitar amp. Two things intertwined so well that it will stick in my mind forever.
Experiences Are Way More Important Than Possessions
A possession: your car, house, big screen, etc will not bring the same joy to you as an experience: traveling to the Caribbean, seeing you favorite band play, singing Karaoke, having great sex, being with a group of friends that bring an amazing vibe and so on.
This is obvious. Or is it?
We wake up and we want want want. We want new clothes, we want new cars, we want high tech gear, we demand it. But our money should be spent solely on experiences. Don’t spend money on a big screen, invest the money in actually going to the game or going to the bar with friends.
Don’t Use Possessions To Cover Up Bad Experiences
Too often we go through a bad experience like a fight with a family member or a break up and we just buy possessions to cover everything up. Why is this? It’s because possessions give us temporary self esteem. Our Ego says’s hey, this TV is now a part of me! Yea, I feel good. But it doesn’t make you feel any better. The only thing that is really a part of you is your good and bad experiences.
With the project I am working on this year I hope to have even more insight on this philosophy. Just wanted to push this out real quick before I get back on the grind.
My mom thinks I have a potty mouth with these absurd titles. Oh well, these posts aren’t for everyone.
I have cut down my alcohol intake over the last 3 months to just about ZERO. Did I mention I live in Las Vegas? When I go out for a night on the town, I don’t drink. I have no urge to drink any more at all. This is not as easy as it sounds and if you are a regular drinker like I was, you may discover that socializing without the BOOZE is a little tough. You go from being as slick as Clint Eastwood to sounding robotic like Rosie from The Jetsons – beep. boop. beep. bepp.
After a few weeks of going out without drinking, things began to become more normal. Your social faculties come back just like if you were drinking and you no longer feel weird about telling people you are water wasted.
Since I’ve stopped drinking, I have lost weight and feel much more healthy. I am a hundred times more productive at the office.
Since I stopped drinking, I don’t experience:
- Beer gut issues.
- Beer farts.
- Head pounding before i go to bed.
- The need to eat fast food at 4 in the monring.
- Saying stupid shit.
- Doing stupid shit.
- Drunk driving.
- Waking up in random places.
This isn’t for everyone, but I’m just saying for me this turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made. There are a few other bad habits I need to kick.
My Current Drink of Choice:
Have you ever felt a pulling from within to stay home while your friends are begging you to go out? Or maybe you feel like going out while your friends are all being lame? Today I am going to try to convince you to be a god damn individual and do what you want in any situation.
It’s sad but many of us simply don’t do what we want and we fall into the social thinking around us. It’s only after we get older that we may realize, damn I should have been focusing on myself. I encourage you to be selfish in order to selflessly give to those around you.
Live a life based on your goals, not other peoples.
I know living a life based on your goals and not other peoples sounds broad and cliche, but most people aren’t living a life based on their goals. When you are suppose to be on a diet but you go to starbucks and buy their high carb drink, who’s goals are you feeding? Starbucks company revenue goal or your health goal? Damn, that marketing worked didn’t it! Food for thought.
Influence those around you positively.
Give as much support to the people you are frequently with as you can. Never try and change them – just support them and their awesomely crazy ideas. Encourage them to take action and help them do it when you can.
Encourage others to share their unique perspective.
If there is one thing a person building their own belief system loves it’s other people’s unique point of view. Just listen to people, you may learn something to test and add to your own set of beliefs. After all, you aren’t born with your beliefs 🙂 Just filter through the junk people spew at you and you’ll be good.
Embrace craziness, but don’t let it rub off on you.
We live in a crazy world with all sorts of unique people. People with addiction, mental problems, anger problems, etc. Not very long ago I would just be disturbed when I heard someone talking about this because my belief system shuts it down and even gets angry. Now, I learned to embrace it and it makes things much easier. We are all a little crazy. While you may not be addicted to cocaine, your probably addicted to something just as bad for you (like sugar). Do not go out of your way to hang around these type of people, but don’t be so offended either.
Examples of looking to others to tell your your beliefs:
- You really like a girl (or guy) but your worried your friends think she’s (he’s) not attractive enough, so you end up being a half ass piece of shit because your in your head.
- You want to start a company but your parents tell you to go to college, so you do and you get into debt while wasting years of your life drinking.
- You attend college for what you love and achieve great grades but you end up at a job that has nothing to do what you spent so much time studying.
- You read numerous health books but you still get plastered and go to McDonalds even though you know the food is horrible for you.
- You want to be better socially but instead you spend your whole day looking at your facebook news-feed instead of going out and making it happen.
You want to take a risk and live the life you’ve always wanted, but you never do so you end up dying an unfulfilled life and leaving no influence to the people around you.
This will be short and sweet.
I get a natural high when other people around me succeed and take action (except my competition). This is primarily why I am writing this post…for you.
Every day people tell me ideas. Some of them are about business and some of them are personal (about women, relationships, etc). I love hearing what direction people are going in. That’s what I love.
What I hate is when people aren’t taking any action to get there. If you never take any action you will never get any feedback AND if you don’t get any feedback you will never learn which direction is correct. You need to be willing to fall flat on your face and put your ideas on the line. You need to be like the caveman running into the tree over and over again to get an apple down only to find out that your cave buddy can lift you up to get one. No joke.
It’s important to take action, get rejected and feel depressed so you can come back to center. You need that feedback. Without that feedback you will be dependent on someone else taking action for you (your boss, professor, etc). You need to be a Ninja, be smart and take massive action to KILL IT!
What About Reading?
Reading books will not help you unless you are taking the information and crunching it into actions to get results. I read the Primal Blueprint last year but I would have never lost 30 pounds if I hadn’t completely changed my eating habits.
“You Are Your Own Driving Engine and You Are Your Own Break”
Your ideas alone are worthless. Take Action or Fuck Off.
Every since I was a kid my mom would take me to this Chinese restaurant a town over from where we lived in Michigan. My last trip back we ended up going there to get some food. Surprisingly, the waitress that waited on us when I was in grade school still worked there and remembered us! Off the wall.
Unlike my grade school days, I wasn’t just going for the AMAZING almond chicken. This time I wanted to pick my mom’s brain and get some advice. At the time, I was just coming off a rocky break up and needed to set some things straight in my own life.
The first thing I began to tell her, which she and anyone else very close to me knows, is that I get angry when things or people I’m close with aren’t up to my standards. I don’t just get mad though, i tear into people personally from the inside out. It’s a dark side of my personality, that rarely gets shown unless I truly care about someone.
My mom told me what seems obvious: Think before you say anything, especially when talking to people you are close with. Sometimes we think just because we are close with someone – a sibling, parent, partner, etc – we can unleash our anger and frustrations out on them. That isn’t fair to anyone. This was a good refresh for me to think before I start rambling, and boy can I ramble.
As our conversation progressed I began to go deeper and talk about how I had this need to change people to make them better. Most of us have been in this situation and almost all of us come out with the same realization: you can’t change people they can only change themselves. This is completely true. My mom told me to care about other people but to not get involved with the details and to Lead By Example. Another obvious slap in the face from my Mom. There are a lot of examples of when you might want to change someone, but instead you must lead by example…
Trying to get your friends to eat right? Eat right when your with them and when they ask you how you lost so much weight tell them how you did it KNOWING that they may never take your advice. Just give, don’t push.
Trying to get someone to be happy? Be happy and learn about happiness. If they aren’t happy with you or as a person they won’t last in your life.
Bottom line is, you need to lead by example without even caring if the other person changes with you. They will fall away on the sidelines or run along with you for a crazy adventure.
So if you can sometimes be an angry man like me, think before you say anything (especially when talking with people close to you) AND instead of trying to change people, lead by example.
Thank you Mom.
Over the past 23 years of my life, I’ve been very distracted. I’ve been distracted with learning to make money, meet women, and be successful in various areas of life. I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve learned that 99% of what society pushes on you is bullshit. Short and simple, here is what I’ve learned…
Money isn’t hard to obtain. It’s hard as hell to manage. You unconsciously and consciously want to keep up with your social circle by having new gadgets and products. You are doomed psychologically by advertisements and brand pressures that have been instilled since your birth. Most of us live pay check to pay check. I was the same way until spring of 2011. I now set aside 11% each time I pay myself and use that money specifically to make more money (aka I invest it).
I have also separated my bank accounts neatly based on my needs. I have an account for each: emergency, car fund, travel fund, investments, and happiness. The happiness account is only to use on other people.
I have found if you just split up each paycheck like you are running your own business, then you will be successful with money. Excel helps.
Women are easy to meet. Relationships are a different story. Don’t be fooled by society into thinking you have to be something special. I have ADD and my thoughts run around like a mad man. I also wouldn’t consider myself to be attractive. I run a business, that means shit when it comes to girls. I could work at a gas station and still do just as well.
Don’t be the tool with the suit on.
She doesn’t want roses, she wants your attention.
Lead, because if you don’t she’ll find someone who will.
When she freaks out, kill her with love.
Oh, and just chill out. Women are not worth it to get mad about, ever.
Are they even worth it? I ask myself this a lot. When you first meet someone it’s always the best, it’s scientific. When you kiss or have sex for the first time with a girl you just meet your brain releases a chemical called dopamine and you become addicted to how good it feels. This may be why you find yourself on her facebook randomly, this is rookie shit.
For any relationship to last it has to move beyond that into mature love. If you aren’t truly compatible with the girl it will never work out, so stop trying to make it. Your brain will fool you into thinking about all the lovey dovey shit society has pushed on your ass throughout your whole life. None of that matters. True love is the exact opposite of what you see in the movies.
Extremely Important: Your Purpose in Life Comes BEFORE your Woman. Always.
I see guys start dating and they turn into complete bitches. I know because i have done it. Your purpose is #1, if you try to find that in your woman you are doomed to hell.
If I am not monitoring my health, I get fat quick. I also feel like shit.
Turns out it’s easy to be healthy. You work out and eat right every day. You wouldn’t brush your teeth every Monday, Wednesday and Friday – so why the fuck do you do that with working out and eating right?
Don’t have time? Tough shit no one does. The last place i want to be is in the gym surrounded by juicers every day.
Get healthy for YOU, not other people.
Look up a paleo diet. It’s the only kind of diet you should ever do.
Being a business owner is tough. Every day it is a new battle and sometimes you question if it’s worth it. The best (and most raw/true) business book I have ever read is Entreleadership by Dave Ramsey. I have 100’s of highlight marks in that and refer to it on a month basis.
It’s about people, not about you. It’s about your customers and employees.
You aren’t the boss. The customer is. Don’t forget that, asshole.
Not every customer is a good customer.
Avoid business theory books by people whohave never done it.
Learn from your mistakes and consult with other business owners.
Eckhart Tolle. Be Present. God is in everything and everybody. Avoid church. Avoid groups of people who sell you shit.
On Putting it all Together:
I’m still learning 🙂